You deserve success

1/5/12

We had a family dinner over Christmas. At the dinner were: my dad, my stepmom, my brother, my brother’s fiancé, and me. My stepmom always like to give sage-like advice. It’s usually the kind of eye-rolling Dr. Phil advice that you hear on daytime television. This year was no different:

“You know why rich and successful people become rich and successful?” She asked, “Because they believe they deserve it.”

And of course it sounded so ridiculous that everyone at the table had to have a joke or two at the expense of her comment.

“Hey, I deserve a million dollars, I’m going to get it tomorrow.” Or on the flip-side “I deserve to get cancer…oh no, look at me now.”

But after the jokes subsided, a few days later, I spoke with one of my friends. She was feeling down on her luck over her current employment situation. I gave a close listen and tried my best to offer my comfort and support. She was upset because she was in a period of transition. At one point, she was working the job that she went to school for and she was pretty good at it too. But that all changed 2 years ago when she got laid off. Since then, she’s been working part-time, at a job that is way beneath her skill-set, and financially not getting by well at all.

I know she deserves success, and could probably pick one of many avenues to change it. I threw around a few ideas with her. She could go change career paths to something that better suited her skills. She had talked about going back to school to get a different master’s degree at one point, but that no longer seemed like an option. She could downsize her life, so that her income would better support her. She could take a second job, since she’s only working part-time anyhow. But none of those answers seemed to appease her.

She could have done any of the above to change her situation, but in short, none of those things would change because the problem was she. She didn’t believe enough in herself to change her own direction. And this wasn’t the first person I spoke with this week in the same bind either. These stumbling blocks are tests: How much are you going to let obstacles get in the way of achieving success? And more importantly, how do you define success? Are you looking for material wealth? Do you want stability? Do you want a career that makes others envious of you?

The key here is you. What do you want? What do you deserve? And what are you willing to do to achieve it?

What do you want?
This one always runs the risk of being dangerously vague. Do you want more money? How much would be acceptable for you? And if you just “want more money” what are you willing to do to be put in that position? There are prostitutes in Las Vegas that make six figures, so do some mob hit men. I feel that it makes more sense to find the inner fulfillment you are looking for – then see if money justifies that position. I want to be paid to bicycle all day, but the money available for that job won’t support that. So what else will bring me inner fulfillment? I wanted a job that would challenge me mentally, in an environment that would be supportive and would allow me to grow. I want to be surrounded by positive people. I have a lot of math and analytical skills that I wanted to put to good use. My current position and salary luckily justify these wants. Is there a job title that you would like to have? Look at the skills needed for it, and see if those match the skills you have to offer. If you have no idea what your strengths and weaknesses are, you can take career assessment tests at many community colleges to help guide you.

What do you deserve?

Besides being paid a living wage that can allow for the occasional indulgences, I deserve respect and kindness. If you feel the same way, you should surround yourself with people that deliver you that respect and kindness. Rude people have their place, they are your stumbling blocks, which will test your patience. I can’t tell you how to react to each of them, because there’s a time and place to turn the other cheek, and there’s a time and place to just let them have it. All I can say is, you learn as time goes on.

What are you willing to do to achieve success?

This is hard, because this is where those that are serious and ready to commit take off, and the talkers hit the road. For every person that says they’d like to have success, there are few actually willing to overcome the obstacles to do it. But the secret is just being willing to overcome the obstacles is effort enough to become successful. If you want to go back to school, but don’t have the money, you have to decide, do you want to get that second job to pay for it? Does your work offer tuition assistance? Is there some other way you can creatively pay for the education? Sometimes these obstacles are necessary for you to decide if the $60,000 for a master’s in contemporary English literature is truly worth it or not.

But lastly, you can’t let the pursuit of success change who you are. Every morning you will have to face yourself in the mirror, and every night you will have to face your family. If the time in between, you weren’t being true to yourself, those are the two toughest times of the day. Treat others with decency and respect, but don’t be so overly kind that others mistake it for a weakness.

Don’t forget that you have many people in your life that love you and want to see you succeed. They all believe that you deserve happiness and success, so start believing in yourself.

1,028 words for today